What does it mean to be a good parent?

I spent the last two days at the Mid-Western Educational Research Association Conference in Evanston, IL.  Over the course of the conference, I attended different sessions with papers associated with themes of parenting, culture, and education.  Listening to each speaker brought up the question, “what does it mean to be a good parent?” 

The first session I attended focused on a study that was completed at high achieving schools that are primarily populated by families from higher socioeconomic statuses.  This presentation focused on Baumrind’s model of parenting styles and the benefits of authoritative parenting.  Authoritative parenting styles promote high levels of support, warmth, and structure.  The parent-child communication tends to be bi-directional.  The speaker described how they support parents at his school and they try to coach them away from being over-bearing parents that are sometimes referred to as “helicopter parents” or “Tiger Moms”. 

The second session related to parenting was a cross-cultural comparison of parent involvement in the United States and Taiwan.  The U.S. school was an urban school that receives Title 1 funds; this is a school with families from lower socioeconomic statuses.  In both places, the researchers found that parent involvement was not always obvious.  While parents might not be as present in the school or have as much communication with teachers, parents were often involved in more “behind the scenes” ways.  The presenters also remarked on cultural beliefs such as the Taiwanese parent’s expectations that teachers are the experts on curriculum and school discipline.

The last session that I attended related to parenting highlighted a Chicago area school that supports young moms by providing access to child care, parenting support, and mentoring programs.  The presentation included two young moms who talked about their love for their children and their intense motivation to transform their lives to best provide for their children.  The young women spoke candidly about the judgment that they face from others; some people telling them that they had “ruined their lives”.  These young moms were dynamic, motivated women who are leaders in their community who spoke with great confidence about their ability to be a good parent to their children.

So, what does it mean to be a good parent?  Is there one answer to that question?  If you look at some research, there is a suggestion that there is one best way.  This becomes a challenge to educators who work to engage parents in schools.  I remember being on many special education teams where we had to carefully negotiate relationships with parents.  I have also been on teams where there is a strong sense of judgment directed towards the parent that does not fit the expectations.  

There was one more session that added some further information to this discourse.  The keynote speaker at the conference was a very famous educational research who focuses his work on statistics and measurement.  He teaches at a major research institute and was appointed to a federal board that examines education.  During a question/ answer session after his speech, this speaker told a story that highlighted the importance of understanding evidence through the lens of local wisdom.  He described an incident where scientists from England had comes up with a new strain of barley that they felt would be much more productive.  All of their research demonstrated great results, but Irish farmers would not use the new barley.  The English researchers thought the Irish farmers were just stubborn and uninformed until they went to Ireland and tried out the barley in the Irish fields.  In that process they learned that Irish farmers used different practices for working the land that were not effective for the barley and therefore the barley did not grow well in Ireland.  I am not sure if this story is factual or just a great anecdote, but I think it offers great insights into the importance of understanding local context.

Understanding local context is important when we look at questions related to parenting too.  To understand what it means to be a good parent, we need to understand the context of the parent rather than trying to fit parents into some pre-existing idea that may or may not fit their context.  This is essential for educators as we try to foster parent engagement.  An attendee at the cross-cultural session shared that she was a principal at an urban school and they have a practice of doing home visits to help understand the family’s context and the best possible way to engage with the family.  Bravo to this school that makes such a tremendous effort to connect with their families.  Bravo to all of the researchers to continue to work on this complex question.  Bravo to all of the parents around the world who work hard every day to be the best parent for their child.